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I remember when I first started playing golf. Like most new players, I was terrible. Slice right, pull-hook left. I was awful. As I continued to practice, however, I got better. Not PGA tour better, but I got the point where I could eventually break 100. I was ecstatic! I saw a few pars, the occasional birdie, lots of bogies and some 12’s. Not perfect, but hey, I could play.

Then I met Dave.

Dave was a really good player, and playing with him made me suddenly discontent with my progress. Sure, I could break 100, but could I break 90? I asked Dave….”Dave, can I break 90?” He said, “no”.

WHAT??? NO??

Well, he explained that I’d never break 90 as long as I kept the swing I had developed. To improve, I would basically have to start over, get quite a bit worse for a while, and rebuild my swing.

I did that, with great success….I was shooting 120 in no time!

As I continued to work on these new techniques, however, I began to see change….real change, and before long, I was scoring in the low 80’s. It was a painful process, but it worked at some level.

What’s the old saying (alternately attributed to Mark Twain, Benjamin Franklin or Albert Einstein)? Something like, “the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

There are many areas of my life where I need to adopt a new strategy….I need to jettison my mediocre thinking and drive toward something better and more effective. Sure, in the short run, it may get messy. But I’d take a short term loss for a long term gain any day. How about you?

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Like many so-called golfers, (and when referring to my own game, even “so-called” could be considered a stretch!), I was mesmerized by the events this weekend at Augusta National Golf Club. The Masters is one of my all-time favorite events, and this year, it did not disappoint.

First, there was an opening round 67 by the 60-something Tom Watson, and another great round for the 50-something Freddie Couples. Then there was Phil, lighting up the links with his smile and his mad game…at one point, going 5-under on three holes! And of course, all the hoopla surrounding the return of Tiger Woods.

By now you know the story.

Mickelson, whose wife Amy has been battling breast cancer for the past year, showed courage and tenacity to defeat the field, including the embattled Woods.

In many national publications, the story of these two men has been seen as a morality play. Many writers have been clear….Phil’s victory was a victory for women and for all that’s good in sport. In their view, a Tiger victory would have sent the wrong message. (Click on these names to see articles by Rick Reilly and Jason Whitlock.)

In the midst of this drama, many sportswriters are ripping their colleagues. (Check out Greg Doyel and Michael Wilbon.) Their contention is that if you believe all the hype about Phil, then you are bound to be duped…again. Who knows….he might be a mirage, too?

This brings me to Malcolm Gladwell. In his amazing book “Blink“, Gladwell asserts that we often make judgements….correct judgements, in the “blink of an eye.” (It’s a great book….you should read it!)

Now, why does that matter in this instance? Because, frankly, I believe Phil to be exactly who he appears to be, and I never thought Tiger was who he appeared to be. That doesn’t make him a bad guy necessarily…just a guy who is not knowable from a distance. Watch Mickelson sign autographs sometime. He is always smiling, and he looks each person in the eye. His affection for his wife is obvious, and though some would paint him as a phony-too-good-to-be-true husband and father, those closest to him don’t fear him, they revere him.

This blog post is not meant to trash Tiger Woods. I just think it’s interesting that typically cynical sportswriters are being called out by their brethren for believing what their eyes saw. We could all be wrong. Tomorrow, Phil could be exposed as an ax murderer. But what does your “blink” tell you?

My blink says “believe it.”

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Okay, the title is a little crass. Crass, but true.

Years ago I was working on fixing a mistake in a recording project. The original track the artist put down simply wasn’t very good, and as the producer, I missed it. I whiffed. The artist had long since left the studio, so I decided, in a moment of profound stupidity, that I could repair the offending track. After spending hours trying to salvage the artist’s performance, I heard someone say, “Hey man, it’s time to give up on this….you can’t polish a turd.”

After I stopped laughing, I started crying…..it was exactly what I was doing.

For three years or so, my kids watched and re-watched every episode of Mythbusters, a show where they test myths, idioms and colloquial anecdotes. In one episode, they decided to see if you could polish a turd.

I have no idea what possessed them to try this. After all, these were big TV stars who could test anything…why assault their olfactory senses with this myth? Who knows? Anyway, they discovered something I’m sure will be useful knowledge somewhere. After hours of molding and polishing, they were actually able to get the turd ball to look like a brown, shiny pool ball.

Wow. And yuck.

Sure, there are times when you have no choice but to take what you have and make the best of it. Still, most of the time we spend fixing un-fixable mistakes would be better spent throwing away what we have and starting over. Though the Mythbusters proved you can polish a turd, you know what they say… “Don’t throw good money after bad.”

I wonder if the Mythbusters will try that one?

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I meet with a group of men every Friday morning. These men are leaders…some of the “movers and shakers” in our community. (If you must know, I invited myself!) I love hearing the hearts of these men…their dreams and hopes and aspirations. I haven’t been involved with them for very long, but the time has became sacred to me.

Last week, the leader of the group asked us to share the time in our lives when we experienced the most freedom. My mind went into hyper-speed. Even with all my synapses firing, desperately seeking even a faint memory of a moment of freedom, I came up empty. It’s not that I feel bound up, it’s just that the pace of my life is so intense that I rarely feel free.

But then I remembered.

It was in my moment of greatest trial that I actually felt the greatest sense of freedom. My oldest son had been diagnosed with cancer, and after spending several weeks deciding on the treatment path, my “part” was completed. I had come to the end of myself and clearly recognized that I could no longer control anything really important. There was nothing more I could do, other than perhaps the most important thing – pray.

I was free.

As the men in that Starbucks shared around our table, each shared a similar exprerience. In their moment of greatest need, of greatest dependence, these world-changing men found freedom.

Funny, isn’t it? We spend our lives running from anything associated with pain, but it’s in pain that we find our greatest freedom and growth. Perhaps James was right when he told us to “consider it pure joy” when we encounter trials.

Something to think about….

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I have a 15 year-old who recently embarked on a journey sure to terrify any parent…the journey to getting a driver’s license. Sure, I’m excited for him, but I also remember my dad’s words to me when we went to practice driving for the very first time: “Drive like every other b*****d on the road is trying to kill you.”

Um….ok.

My dad didn’t use that language every day, so it made an impression on me, and I remembered it!

What I also remember is my first official driving lesson with my instructor. He sat in the driver’s seat, started down the road, then told me that he wouldn’t move the steering wheel off-center unless I told him to.

Within 5 seconds we were headed into oncoming traffic.

“Right!”, I screamed.

He moved the wheel to the right.

“Left!”, I shouted.

Left we went.

“A little right…a little left…a little right…..left….right…”

After 15 minutes I was completely exhausted. I had nothing left. At that point, he stopped the car, and explained to me that driving wasn’t just setting the car in motion in a certain direction. It was setting the car in motion toward a specific target, then making a series of adjustments based on road conditions, direction, traffic and unexpected events that surface as you drive. It was a dynamic, not static.

As leaders, we are often asked to set our teams in motion toward a specific target. To be certain, we need goals and targets to accomplish anything! At the same time, we’d be wise to remind ourselves, and our teams, that our ultimate success will depend on our ability to make the micro, and even macro adjustments necessary to reach our destination safely and effectively.

As I’ll soon remind my son, “There are plenty of drivers out there not paying attention…don’t be one of them!”

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As I mentioned in a previous post, my mother was a television reporter/anchorwoman for many years.  Back then, the news was, comparatively, boring.  It consisted of…well….the news.  Local and regional politics, sports, weather, a human interest story here and there.  It wasn’t exciting, but it was…wait for it…relevant.  (Click here to see a newscast featuring my mom in 1977…you’ll get the idea!)

Today we don’t have the news.  We have “newstainment.”  Like everything else in our current reality, the bottom line is the bottom line, so you have to make the news “sexy” to the viewer in order to make the big bucks.

I recently was introduced to this totally “over the top” video produced by Jon Stewart.  In it, he lampoons CNN’s Rick Sanchez for his sensationalism, misinformation and his “over-caffeinated” approach to the recent earthquake and tsunami in Chile.  I do not endorse Jon Stewart’s language or his perspective in general, but this is hilarious…and it makes the point.

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I love balloons.

Fill them with water and you have a weapon. Fill them with helium and you have an aircraft. Rub them on your head and you have a science experiment…or at least hair that stands on end!

Balloons are incredibly versatile, and generally easy to control. Fill one up with air, and no matter how hard you hit it, it’s easy to keep right in front of you. You can easily walk down a hallway bouncing a balloon between hands. Even if you bounce it a little to the left or right, you can make mid-course corrections with ease….the balloon just never gets very far from you.

Golf balls are decidedly less versatile. There are probably uses for them outside of golf, but in general, they are what they are…hard, white spheres meant to be hit with authority to a great distance. Somewhere on the box of golf balls you’ll probably see the word “control”, but anyone who plays the game knows this is a lie.

Some people I work with are like balloons. While they may be colorful and amusing, they generally stay pretty close. No matter how hard I try, they rarely get far from me….even if I want them to. When I set them off on a task, they are generally easy to reorient if they get slightly off to the side.

Others I work with are like golf balls. When I set them off on a task, I may never see them again. When I play golf, my ball often looks pretty good coming off the club face, but just as often I soon realize that a shot hit 1/16th of an inch offline at impact may end up in the woods or out of bounds when it stops rolling. So it is with these people.

Leading well requires that I know my people. Some need constant direction, and others need very clear direction at the start. It’s probably not a big deal when I’m leading balloons, but when I’m leading golf balls, I’d be wise to make sure I am skillfully setting them in the proper direction and trajectory to get the most out of their gifts, abilities and time. Doing so will keep me from losing them and having to find yet another new one.

Does this make sense to anyone but me??

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Okay, I’ll admit the title of this blog post is weird.

For the past week I have been mesmerized by the Olympic Games. I have always loved the Olympics, but lately the Winter Games have been particularly intriguing to me. There is a “throw caution to the wind” element to many of the events. Influenced by the X-Games culture, this group of skaters, skiers, lugers, snowboarders, bobsledders and the lot are obsessed with derring-do.

Here’s the connection…I think. In order for these athletes to “do the derring”, they must have 100% commitment. They must completely sell out to their trick or run. In the immortal words of Mr. Miyagi, “Walk on road, hm? Walk left side, safe. Walk right side, safe. Walk middle, sooner or later get squish, just like grape. Here, karate, same thing. Either you karate do ‘yes’ or karate do ‘no.’ You karate do ‘guess so,’ squish, just like grape.”

Now, on to marriage. Research has proven over the years that couples choosing to live together before marriage are much more likely to be unhappy in their marriage. The most recent study completed at Denver University in 2009 confirms this. (Click here for the story.) One of the hypotheses is that as couples are afraid to commit wholeheartedly, they “slide” into marriage….with low expectations of the relationship and its potential longevity.

Whatever the reason, easing into commitment in relationships appears to have the same result as easing into an Olympic half pipe.

Squish, just like grape.

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I’ll never forget the phone call.

I was joining a new team, and I anticipated being considered for a leadership role. The call informed me that a younger, less seasoned teammate was being tapped for the job.

I was stunned.

After all, I had far more work experience, leadership experience and felt confident that I was a better “natural leader.” All that may have been true, but for the record, I think the decision makers made the right call. I wasn’t ready, because I wrongly equated position with leadership.

A couple years later, the “big boss,” the man responsible for that leadership decision, pulled me aside for a little chat. He started talking with me about some problems he saw with the team, and was suggesting ways I could help the group be more effective.

Externally, I was calm, but internally, I was indignant. I finally looked at him and said, “Aren’t you talking to the wrong guy? Remember, you hired the OTHER guy to lead, not me!” His response was classic. “I am talking with the right guy, because in this case, you’re the guy that can institute change!”

Message sent, message received.

I learned that a title on a business card has very little to do with leadership. I learned that leading “from the middle” is a great way to hone both a reputation for leading and the actual experience to take on more leadership. And most importantly, I learned, as my friend Craig Parker once said, that “leaders aren’t necessarily in charge, they’re in front!”

What are your thoughts?