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First of all, I am not saying what you may think I’m saying. This has nothing to with our political system and how we handle the problem of poverty and inequity. What I’m thinking about is a culture where constructive criticism and honest competition are seen as destructive, and where telling the truth, even in a gracious way, is unacceptable.

Let me make a disclaimer. The video below has a four-letter word in it that I don’t condone. (The “s” word.) I don’t use it, and I hope its use in this context won’t offend you. (Please don’t watch the video if you know it will.)

What I love about this video, however, is the way Brandon Marsalis speaks the brutal truth about the way we coddle each other, instead of challenging one another to excel. (This speaks powerfully to me, since I am pathologically positive.) He wants us to be honest with the naked emperor, which can be both dangerous and lonely.

If you’re okay with it, take a look at the video and let me know what you think…

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As I mentioned in an earlier post, I used to LOVE getting my grandparents to talk about when they were kids. They both grew up in Toledo, Ohio near the turn of the last century, and their stories mesmerized me. It was an era I was totally unfamiliar with, and the picture the history books painted for me paled in comparison to the first-hand view I received from my grandparents.

There have always been generational gaps, but it seems like that gap has widened measurably today. Students don’t understand the world their parents and grandparents grew up in, and I think most folks from the older generation have felt completely lost trying to communicate with the younger generation.

Then along came Facebook.
facebook
I have heard it said that the fastest growing group on FB is women over the age of 55….and my kids live there! I have Facebook friends that are almost 80, and some that are 12. (Sorry, FB age requirement.) I think I could make a pretty strong case that Facebook may be the most multi-generational platform ever created….online or off. My questions is…is it “inter-generational”, and by that I mean, do the generations communicate with each other?

There is so much to be learned by communicating across generational lines. Both young and old can learn by listening, engaging…..really connecting. Perhaps in this age of social networking we can see some barriers begin to come down, and in the conversation that follows, we’ll see the richness we’ve missed by being in our generational silos.

Thoughts? Observations?

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About a year and a half ago I engaged in a discussion on this topic. Things have accelerated since then, but I thought I would post what I wrote. In recent months, my email box hasn’t been any emptier, it’s just become much less relevant to me. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this…

3/31/08

E-mailI don’t really believe we need to ask the question “is email dying?” I think it’s already dead as we knew it, and we just haven’t unplugged the life support yet.

Can email be a part of an integrated digital communication world? Perhaps. But the fact that many businesses seem to depend on it now really has no bearing on its future. As has been suggested, I remember hearing people tell me that email won’t have any impact on snail mail because people still like to put pen to paper. Yet here we are, and I doubt any of us has written a real letter of late. (I am guessing that older people were also inclined to dismiss the ball point pen, because people were familiar with hearing the scratch of the nib on paper…)

The clue in where this is going lies in the lives of today’s “digital natives”. Most of the faces I see fighting for email look like mine (though you all are much better looking!)…30’s, 40’s 50’s and up. This world is going to be ruled by our digitally native kids, and they are a generation that WILL NOT be told how to communicate….believe me. You try getting a hold of these students via email and Rip van Winkie will have slept twice before you get a response.

What do you think?

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microwaveI was in my last year or two of high school when my parents bought their first microwave. It was so exciting! For a child of the 60’s and 70’s, I felt like I had just entered the Star Trek era. In goes frozen food – out comes a beautifully prepared, delicious meal.

Then we began to actually use it. First of all, the thing was the size of a Smart Car – and just about as useful! (Okay, that was a cheap shot.) Then, when we turned it on, it sounded like a 50,000 watt transformer was switched on! I’m also pretty sure the seal wasn’t perfect, which might explain the 3rd eye growing in the middle of my forehead.

The truth is, while a microwave is a useful tool, it’s not the right tool for everything. I love to eat, and when I go to an elegant restaurant, I’m glad they don’t prepare the entire meal in a microwave.

As a “Type A” kind of guy, I need to remind myself constantly that bigger and faster isn’t always better. Better is better. Most often, meaning, purpose and beauty are found in nuance and subtlety. I’m glad that Steinbeck and Dickens didn’t write in Cliff’s Notes. I’m glad my friend and artist Mako Fujimura takes the time to meticulously prepare his materials before he starts creating his amazing works. It takes time to create, and it takes time to experience someone’s creation.

When I read a great book, experience a great work of art, or eat a gourmet meal, I’m glad that not everything can be summed up in 140 characters. (Check out this hilarious video that illustrates this beautifully.)

To be sure, there are many situations where I am glad I have a microwave at my disposal. Like most of us, I’m a busy guy with a busy family, and I often need to move quickly. While I do appreciate the convenience, what I really appreciate the time it saves to free me up to savor moments that are begging to be savored.

What’s your story?

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Really?

In this age of “don’t disrespect me!”, I have thought about this statement often. In fact, a few of us were talking about it over lunch the other day.

It’s true there are segments of society that will deny you respect out of hand – especially if you are a woman or an ethnic minority, You’ll never be taken seriously by certain people, and it’s a tragedy. This post is not directed at you.

Most of the time I hear this, however, I feel the way I do when my kids are complaining about some imaginary injustice….like too much homework or bad weather on game days or “I can’t believe I have to try the asparagus!”.

The truth is, most of us get exactly the respect we deserve….we just don’t get the respect we desire. In most situations, people have no motive to withhold from us the respect we long for, unless, of course, we are unworthy of it. For this reason, when I am feeling somehow disrespected, I first try to take a look in the mirror…and I’m often rewarded by staring the real problem right in the face.

Thoughts? Comments? I’d love to hear from you!

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grandpaOne of my great joys as a kid (and later as an adult) was to take long walks with my grandfather and listen to him tell stories of his youth. Grandpa was born in 1904….an era of wooden sidewalks, sarsaparilla, and that loud new thing spewing black smoke….the automobile. Grandpa was Jewish in a town known for its anti-Semitism, and things were never easy for him. Still, he refused to let his heritage or his 8th-grade education be an excuse for failure. He excelled in everything he did, eventually rising from a stockroom boy to becoming a VP with Willy’s Corporation….the guys who made all the Jeeps in WWII!

I loved my grandpa deeply, and I learned many lessons from those walks. One of the most memorable was what we, in our family, call the “Jewish Work Ethic.” My mom picked it up and passed it along to us, and it goes something like this: “If someone asks you to do something….anything….say ‘yes’, then go learn!”

Grandpa was an opportunist, in all the right ways. Times were tough when he was growing up, and that kind of “can-do” attitude took him a long way. When I find myself whining, I occasionally remember that lesson and challenge myself to look at the problem the way he would have. When I do, I’m rarely disappointed with the result!

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Oak TreeI can’t remember when I first heard it, but there’s an old, oft quoted anecdote that I love. A father and his son entered the dean’s office at the university the younger man was to enter. The father told the dean that he wanted his son to graduate as quickly as possible so as to embark on his career. “How fast can we make it happen?”, he asked. The dean paused and said, “Sir, when God wants to make a squash, He takes three months. When He crafts an oak tree, He takes 100 years. Which would you like your son to be?”

I love that! We live in a culture where we glorify speed and expediency, with character and process often being overlooked. We don’t want to wait for anything, which is why we have mounting debt, financial scandal, unwanted pregnancies and any number of other consequences.

This blog isn’t here to bash those making expedient decisions….I make them too. I just hope we can encourage each other to take the longer view – making oak trees, not squash. I hate squash….

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You know, when you’re my age, you hear a lot of people complaining about where culture is going. You’ve heard it. “We’ve become far too impersonal.” “Kids are texting all the time….they have no time for “real” relationships.” “All this technology is fine, but people need time face to face to REALLY connect!”

It’s funny….I may have agreed with those comments a few years ago, but I think people’s need for connection has changed my mind on this. They have figured out how to use technology to develop real community. Let me give you an anecdote that illustrates my point.

In 2001, my then 64 year-old mother contracted ARDS. (Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome) This disease kills 50% of those who contract it within 24 hours of onset. Yikes! It all started with some chest congestion, and before she knew it, she was on life support in an induced coma for 16 days. Gratefully, she has had a full recovery, but it was touch-and-go for several days.

Towards the end of her days in a coma, my father received a phone call in the middle of the night. My dad answered.

“Hello?”

“Hello. Who’s this?” the man on the other end of the phone said.

“Excuse me, who’s this?”

“Is Marcia there?”

“I am her husband. Who IS this?”

[Long pause.]

“My name is Anwar (not his real name), and I live in Cairo, Egypt. For the last couple of years, I have played bridge with your wife online almost every day. I have not seen her for over 2 weeks, and I want to know what is wrong?”

Wow. Remember, my mother was not a teenager, she was 64 years old. And this was in 2001 – 8 years ago!! Many of her friends in close proximity had no idea she was ill, but here was a guy 10,000 miles away who was acutely aware of her absence.

Online community is real. Those of us over the age of 30 may not like it, and we may not understand it, but our kids will not be told how to communicate. If this is how the next generation is going to connect, I think it’s high time we drop our pre-conceived notions and get on board. They still need a few gray hairs in their lives!!

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I’m not sure why I’m doing this….perhaps because everyone else is doing it? But is that a good reason to do it? The fact is, I think most of the things that everyone is doing are things I definitely don’t want to be doing. Anyway, perhaps it will be a helpful communication too. I’ll try not to bore you with too much else!